FIDELITY
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source
fi·del·i·ty      [fi-del-i-tee, fahy-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural -ties.
1. strict observance of promises, duties, etc.: a servant's fidelity.
2. loyalty  to one's country.
3. conjugal faithfulness.
4. adherence to fact or detail.
5. accuracy; exactness: The speech was transcribed with great fidelity.
6. Audio, Video. the degree of accuracy with which sound or images are recorded or reproduced.
[Origin: 1375–1425; late ME fidelite (< MF) < L fidélitās, equiv. to fidéli- (s. of fidélis loyal, equiv. to fidé(s) faith + -lis adj. suffix) + -tās -ty2]

—Synonyms 2. See loyalty. 5. precision, faithfulness, rigor, meticulousness.
—Antonyms 2. disloyalty.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of Law - Cite This Source

Main Entry: fi·del·i·ty
Pronunciation: f&-'de-l&-tE, fI-
Function: noun
: the quality or state of being faithful or loyal; especially : loyalty to one's spouse in refraining from adultery and sometimes in submitting to a spouse's reasonable sexual desires
Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of Law, © 1996 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) - Cite This Source
sem·per fi·de·lis      [sem-per fi-dey-lis; Eng. sem-per fi-dey-lis, -dee-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
Latin.
always faithful: motto of the U.S. Marine Corps.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition - Cite This Source
semper fidelis [(sem-puhr fi-day-lis)]

Latin for “always faithful”; the motto of the United States Marine Corps.

The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition
Copyright © 2005 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
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I was requested to write a message on infidelity... To do that requires that we know what fidelity is... Hence the foregoing definitions.

My target audience is Peace Keepers... military, law enforcement and all in their support systems.  Every member of the military and law enforcement had to take an oath of office at the beginning of their service.  If they stay with it long enough to be promoted, some levels of promotion require taking an oath again.  Our system of laws and courts rely upon the administering of an oath or affirmation to tell nothing but the truth.

An oath is commitment to loyalty, service and duty affirmed or sworn to in the presence of governmental authority.  The taking of marriage vows is the same kind of commitment in the presence of an authority recognized to administer those vows.  If a person is not of the mindset and attitude to keep those oaths and vows as the prime commitment of their lives... It would be best for everyone if they never publicly took the oath nor took the vows.  Infidelity is not keeping oneself under the promise made in the presence of the authority empowered to administer the oath or vow.

The motto of the United States Marine Corps is "SEMPER FIDELIS" or "SEMPER FI" as it is often used in print and in conversation... "ALWAYS FAITHFUL".

So far it all sounds good and looks good...

What happens to bring about infidelity when we have sworn or affirmed that we would be faithfuly, loyal and keep to our prescribed and expected duties? 

The usual reason is that something else takes over the center of our conscious concentration... We get caught up in that something and we, for the moment, disregard the value of our own word and perform an act that is in opposition to what we vowed that we would always do... and we become unfaithful.  That is what infidelity is... Being unfaithful to our own words of commitment.

In some cases the cause is the "heat of the moment."  Sometimes it is fear... Other times it is lust (which is an overmastering powerful desire for anything, not just sex).  It is always emotionally or feelings based and the experience is so powerful as to make us forget what we vowed... to make us want something that we said we would never want... to cause us to lose our mental, moral senses and become involved in one or more actions that take away our strength of commitment... take away our oath to duty... take away our ability to think and reason according to the prior commitment... and fall to the level of animal instinct.  When the animal takes over reasoning power is lost for a time.  Sometimes the heat of the animal passion becomes so powerful as to make the human throw away all reasoning and recovery takes a long, long time.  Some never recover to where they were before the overpowering animal instinct was allowed to conquer their reasoning capabilities... Some never want to recover to where they were before... Some cannot recover to where they were before because of changed circumstances.

If it is caused by fear and that fear causes abdication from commitment... And when it becomes known by others that the incident occurred... Trust is broken and sometimes that trust is  never  achieved again... The die is cast... The opportunity for the life committed to is lost...  Some relationships when broken can never be repaired.  Even with repentance and promises to never fall again into that situation... Even with living as right as possible from that moment on... Even with begging, pleading, promises, oaths... Even with anything that can ever be used... Some relationships are never repaired... NEVER.  Professions, jobs, friends and marriages can fall into these described conditions.

When it is an oath to duty that is broken it can cost lives... and it can cost a career.

When it is a vow to another human being and fidelity is not kept it can inflict an emotional pain that is far beyond anything one can imagine that they can experience and still live in their body... Hence the high divorce rate... Wounded hearts sometimes do not recover.  If they do recover it may take such a long time as to appear that it will never happen.

Affairs of the heart can be the most precious and empowering if they are of the loyal, positive, promises kept variety, right attention giving variety...

Affairs of the heart can be most devastating if of the promise broken variety.  The results of the promise broken variety can inflict a pain worse than death.... a pain so great as to cause the injured party to not want to live... Or to lash out in anger and destruction.  An injured emotional, spiritual heart is unpredictable.  Spurned lovers and mates have been known to viciously murder their loved ones and the one with whom the loved one was involved... Or to kill themselves and their own children. 

This pain experienced by a mate in a marital commitment or by one who is deeply known and loved in a promised marriage relationship can cause devastation in several forms.
    It can cause total debilitation... not wanting to live nor do anything ever again...
    It can cause an overfrozen condition of mind, emotions and spirit that creates a zombie         like condition... moving and functioning at a minimal level but not consciously there...
        and no response to any stimuli except touch... and touch is shrunk from...
    It can cause a person to snap in their minds and become a totally opposite person to             the one that they were before the perceived betrayal took place...  
    Even if it causes nothing else it can cause an internal pain that is there for the rest of             their lives... and never diminishing... always hurting...
    Occasionally the pain is so great that they decide they cannot endure the pain and take         their own lives... Sometimes they take the lives of others and then take their own                     lives...

In order for any of these conditions to happen there must first be an attitude failure.  Either the right attitude was never built and maintained... Or it was correct at one time but then it was neglected and failed...  All relationships in a Peace Keeper's life require attention as best that it can be given under the circumstances.  Of course that also applies to the ones who are in the relationships with them... fellow Peace Keepers, friends, spouses, significant others, family, etc. 

Relationships fail because one or both parties to the relationship did not give proper attention to the relationship.  The same is true whether it is professional, emotional or marital relationship.  All relationships must be maintained with as much attention applied as is possible to apply.

Most of our lives are too busy.  Too many things clamor for our attention.  Distractions are far to plentiful.  In relation to the military I have always been fascinated with how many marriages actually survive the time apart brought on by deployments.  I live in a major military area.  I have ministered for 38 years in churches that have military families in the memberships.  I have seen breakups and problems... But I have also seen many who not only survived but were happy and fulfilled.  In my 44 years of close relationships with law enforcement I have marveled at how many relationships actually fail.  I was surprised to learn that the percentage was so high in these later years and very different than it was in my early years. 

I have had plenty of opportunity to study and watch.  My observation led me to the conclusion of attitude failure on the parts of one or more people involved in the failed relationships.  Fidelity is an Attitude that must be practiced and nurtured with daily attention.  Without proper attention the attitude fails... then fidelity fails and becomes fertile ground for the temptation to do other than that which was committed to... If this condition persists and is followed it can lead to infidelity to oath and vow...

Rotten, inconsistent, stinking thinking leads to the fall into infidelity in all areas of human commitment... The results can be lost lives; lost jobs; lost marriages; lost loves; lost relationships...  We swore to be faithful.  If we are not careful to tend and nurture that relationship (whether a job or a person) to which we have committed ourselves we take the first step on a slippery slope... Then we slide down into the mess of contamination on the way down... And into the muck at the bottom.

Broken hearts; Broken lives; Lost opportunities; Devastation in human lives; And it all starts with the first slip in our commitment to right attitude that is not caught and corrected.

I know the pain of loss.  I know the pain of a broken heart.  I know the pain of separation from that which I hold dear and from those which I hold dear.  For each great loss and each experience of broken heart I had to spend time in recovery.  Nothing is a greater loss than losing a relationship that was precious and vital that you really wanted to keep.
The pain is devastating... Death is one type of loss of relationship that is devastating... But I do not personally find separation by death any more devastating that the death of a relationship in which the loved one walks away and returns the love offered and desired no more...  Marital loss, unreturned love and a flip-flop of attitude are incomprehensible to the one being rejected and left behind.  When it is done in order to be in a relationship with another in direct refuting and rejecting of the vow of "'till death do us part" it is all the more devastating to the one being left.

Right love for another in a marital relationship... And right attitude toward a profession demanding an oath...  is supposed to be an unchangeable attitude.  It is supposed to be based upon decision (no matter what) and not upon feeling.  Feelings change... They rise and fall based upon so many factors.  

The oath and vow is supposed to be an unfailing commitment.  When the commitment to oath and vow change and are no longer stable and unchangeable the relationship begins to fail and if not caught and repaired will collapse in total failure of the relationship for which the oath or vow was given. 

Professions are things to some but the only way of life to others.  Some can leave a profession and do quite well.  Some can lose a profession and be lost themselves...
And some who lose their professions never recover... Most do recover but some never do recover.

A close human relationship, such as marriage, is a precious thing to have and to experience.  If the proper attitude toward it is not maintained... If adoration to the one with whom the commitment was made is not properly maintained... Trouble comes in the form of temptations... These temptations, if acted upon, will always create pain and heartache for someone.  In all of the stories that I have listened to, each one who went through the experience always told me that the experience they went through was not worth the pain... not worth the emotional loss... and not worth the financial loss.  I am sure that some who have been through this experience would say it was worth it but none of them have ever told me their stories.

If any thing that I write ever tore at my heart it has been this message.  In order to write it I had to meditate and draw upon the pain of experience in my own life and in the lives of those to whom I have ministered.  Was it worth the effort?  Yes, because it renewed my commitment to you.  Will it help anyone else?  I do not know... I am not in charge of that.  I do know that I surely pray that it helps someone... Even if only to make them aware that someone else experiences their pain.

Why would I take the challenge to write this message... Because when it was requested it took over my mind and heart and would not go away.  I was compelled to respond to it.

In the deepest of appreciation I am glad that you are there.  My Commander-In-Chief and I do so very deeply appreciate who you are and all that you have done for the peace, safety and welfare of the people of the world at home and abroad.

"BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!"  Stay alert... watchful... suspicious... and wary.  Take the very best of care of you as you care for others.  Be especially careful to take the best of care for your spiritual welfare.  It needs to be strong for you to succeed.

Call or write if I may be of any assistance.

As it has always been... So it still is...


"VICTORIOUS WARRIORS WIN FIRST...
AND THEN GO TO WAR,
WHILE DEFEATED WARRIORS GO TO WAR FIRST...
AND THEN SEEK TO WIN."  Sun tzu

ONLY LIVE PEACE KEEPERS SEE THE VICTORY!!!
THEY SEE IT ONLY BECAUSE OTHERS HAVE MADE THEIR ETERNAL
PAYMENTS OF SWEAT, BLOOD, TEARS AND LIFE FOR THAT VICTORY!

WITH THE DEEPEST OF APPRECIATION AND RESPECT...
BE BLESSED (A CONDITION TO BE ENVIED)...
BE SUCCESSFUL... BE SAFE...
[My injunction to be safe means doing all you know to do as you do your job... it means
doing the best you can with what you have where you are using all your faculties to get
the job done well and with good results conquering evil and keeping or restoring peace...
it does not mean to avoid duty and honor... it does not mean to cower or allow anything
to hinder you in the process of duty according to rules, law and ethics...  it means that if
the demand takes your earthly life you destroy as much evil as possible in the process. 
That is my definition of being safe... doing the best you can and leaving the rest to God
or whomever else is responsible... being best employed for the sake and protection of all
the things and people that we hold dear.]

I represent, write for... and give the credit to:
God the Father (my Commander-in-Chief),
Jesus Christ the Son (the Eternal Captain of my life) and
the Holy Spirit of God (my Eternal Teacher, Keeper and Guide).
In Christ I live... with Him and for you I serve...
And I rejoice that you are there whether you are Christian or not...
D. R. (Don) Staton, Chaplain to Peace Keepers, 
VIRGINIA STATE POLICE ALUMNI,
RETIRED Police Officer, Certified Police Instructor,
757-431-2190, chpln1@verizon.net
3709 Beacon Lane, Virginia Beach, VA 23452
=================================================
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