NOT WHERE YOU WOULD RATHER BE?

I had amazing experiences again this past Christmas
season.  Again, I was given the opportunity to spend lots of someone
else's money for the benefit of those in need.  I am most thankful that
I have been chosen to be so blessed.  After spending so much time
seeing others be so blessed, I intentionally spent Christmas Day
alone.  The morning began with me awakening early to find a tv movie
about a family that had moved from the city to the area where I grew
up.  The location was so familiar that it could have been right in the
same area that I roamed and explored as a child... and I had an episode
of wanting to be there roaming those hills, valleys and rivers again...
a very powerful episode... and that led into remembering Christmas past
from my growing up years  in poverty...
then remembering Christmas with my children... and the last Christmas
that I had with my wife, Sue, because she died immediately after
Christmas five years ago... 

All of this consumed most of my day and it was good that I spent it
alone with my thoughts and the remembering... ahhhhh... the
remembering.  It was a good way for me to celebrate Christmas.

The remembering led me into deep recollection of my childhood and the
predominant forces that fought to shape me... One to be a railroad
engineer... One to be a Peace Keeper... and One to find connection with
God.  I had quite a collection of books and toy trains because of the
love of railroading.  I had quite another collection of toy guns, real
knives and books that had to do with law men of the old west and troops
of the military from ancient times to the middle of the 20th
century.... I had nothing to guide me to a connection with God... not
even my father nor his father who was a preacher.

I also had books about men who changed the course of the world with new
ideas and new methods... or with bravery and great battles in which
they employed new methods.

My youth was a life of great adventure outdoors roaming the mountains,
hills and valleys... fishing and hunting... learning the secrets that
the natural world had to reveal to an inquisitive child... and a life
of great adventure by exploring the world via my reading and an
occasional western or war movie... and the adventure of learning what I
could accomplish through engineering as I figured out new ways to get
enjoyment out of my toy trains and enjoyment out of the real railroad
and it's trains that ran by my home just thirty yards from my front
door.  It is quite an experience to sleep that close to a thundering
articulated steam locomotive at full throttle with sixteen drive wheels
pulling a hundred cars of coal with another locomotive just like the
front one pushing hard on the rear of the train as it progressed
upgrade past my home with whistles blaring and exhaust blasting!

The future of railroading was going downhill when I needed a job after
graduation so that course was out for a way to earn a living. 
Engineering was a very viable option so I followed that course to earn
a way to feed my family... Until I was 22 years old... then the old
dreams about law enforcement rose up and consumed me until I applied to
become a Virginia State Police Trooper... Then the die was cast and the
course diverted again...

After a few years I learned that I did not have all that I needed for
that job.  I was missing the spiritual perspective that had haunted me
off and on for twenty years of my life... Twenty years in which I often
asked questions of parents, teachers, preachers, friends and peers...
not one of them gave me a workable answer.  The need to know so greatly
overshadowed my love for being a Trooper that I left to wander and seek
the answer that would work for me.

First I made a lot of money and that helped for a short time... Then
the promises of the new job began to disappear and I knew poverty
again... worse poverty than I knew in my childhood... Until I met a man
at a business conference... One conversation with that man and his wife
changed forever the courses of my life and of my wife's life.

I went into my office on Sunday afternoon of that weekend... and
staring at a blank concrete wall... I prayed a prayer.  I asked for a
way to feed and care for my family and I would give up myself to
whatever the power that I knew was God might desire of me... I was
allowed very little time to reflect upon this prayer because the phone
rang on Monday morning and I received a message that would continue to
alter my life forever.  The caller represented a company that was
seeking me to talk with them about me working for them in
engineering... and I had not been in that line of work for years.  They
were located in an area that all of my life I had said I did not ever
want to live there...  I have been here almost 39 years now... just
where that I never wanted to be as far as place and people were
concerned... 39 years!

I talked... I took the job... I came here because it was the course
opened to me that would provide for the needs and welfare of my
family.  I had just become a Christian and I looked for someone to
teach me what that meant to me personally... but no one taught me even
when I asked.  Finally in desperation I said another prayer.  This one
was a cry from the depths of my being... "Teach Me!!!"... and a
definite course was opened to me to learn the basics... apply the
basics... and keep learning the course of where and how the Spirit of
God leads a man who really wants to know the way to live.

A hunger came that would not be satisfied... a power came that
transformed my thinking and doing... Old hindrances fell away and a new
course of influence began.  I learned and became an Evangelist
(traveling Preacher)... then a preacher in a downtown mission for down
and out men... then also an Associate Pastor in the church where we
worshipped.  Then I began to see where all of this was leading and I
personally did not want to go there.  I was being called to become a
Pastor and start a church.

First I was moved out of the church where I had been to another church
to gain more education under another Pastor with whom I had made a
missionary journey to Haiti.  I was still working in engineering...
traveling and preaching in Evangelism and at the mission.  On the way home from an Evangelistic meeting, I was still about three hours from
home, I was confronted by a powerful, consuming thought that reminded
me of my bargain with God some few years before... I had given up
myself to Him... I had said I would do whatever I learned that He
wanted me to do... and the question came... "When are you going to
start?"  My response was, "As soon as I get home, Lord."

I contacted the Pastor I had been studying with and advised him that I
would be starting a new church.  His response. "I wondered when you
were going to listen?"

The very next day that Pastor called me and asked if I wanted the
building and equipment where we had been together as a church and the
next Sunday I was the Pastor and the other Pastor was gone to another
work... All of this was happening in a place where that I never wanted
to live!...

A short while later I began to have nighttime dreams and daytime dreams
about being a Trooper and being with other police officers.  This went
on for many months and grew continuously more powerful.  One day as I
was walking past one of my bookcases I saw a book that I did not
remember ever seeing before... "Preacher With A Billyclub".  It was
written by a volunteer Police Chaplain in Florida about his experiences
with police officers and with people to whom he was called to minister
by the police officers with whom he worked.  A new die was cast and the
course was more finely adjusted... I became a volunteer Auxiliary
Police Officer and a volunteer Police Chaplain... and the miraculous
activity that has been my life over the last 30 years... began my very
first night on the street with the police officers and has not
diminished since...

All of this in a place where that I never wanted to be...

I have hunted men... and I have been hunted by men.  I have been the
bait to draw other men out into visibility and apprehension... I have
risked life and limb... I have looked death in the face many times... I
have been in many places where realistically I should not have
survived... yet I am still here... and like the Apostle Paul that in
whatever condition I am, I have learned therewith to be content.  It
took a few years before I quit begging God to allow me to leave this
location... Then I learned herein to be content.  All of this in a
place where I never wanted to live!

I have never stopped loving trains.  I have amassed and sold several
collections of toy trains when they were a source used by my
Commander-in-Chief to gain large sums of money for immediate needs. 
During all of my years I have assembled a large library of railroad
books, railroad videos and toy train related material.  Often He has
means for earning funds or gaining by buying and selling... He did that
again just these last several weeks...  All of this in a place where I
never wanted to be...

In the past two weeks I have found several models of cars like the ones
that have been in my life that meant so much to me... I added them to
the collection of model motorcycles that are like the one I owned...
and with the special edition Harley that I would like to own that came
complete with a beautiful redhead dressed in leathers.  I am given
opportunity to have much joy and satisfaction in my life... but I am
most alive when I am engage in writing to you... working with you...
talking with you... corresponding with you... thinking about you and
praying for you... or when I am preaching or teaching.  Those are among
my greatest joys because my intimate joys of this life ended when my
wife became terminally disabled and died.

Sometimes the demands are so great upon me that I must follow a
specific course without deviation or distraction.  Sometimes I am given
respite and allowed to divert my thinking and relax.  Sometimes I earn
money by working on trains which I dearly love to do... but most of my
time is spent doing administrative duty staying prepared to go into the
crisis in someone's life and carry the Peace and Presence of the Living
God to the devastated hearts... All of this in a place where I never
wanted to be... and where I never wanted to live...

I share all of this with you today because I am impressed that some of
my readers are in a place where they never wanted to be.  Some of you
are doing things that you never wanted to do.  Some of you are fighting
for life and survival.  Some of you are in a holding pattern and doing
some thing that you thought would never have to be done by you again in
this world.

When I was called to be a Trooper the course of my life was greatly changed...          
When I was called to be a Christian the course of my life completely changed...
When I was called to be a Preacher and an Evangelist...
It brought tighter demand and much adjustment...
When I was called to be a Pastor of a church I was really tightly nailed down...
When I was called to be a Pastor... a Police Officer... and a Police
Chaplain...                         simultaneously...
the course of my life was very tightly altered...
When my wife died life became more different still...
and more tightly centered...
When my son was killed I was allowed to see life from the view of one
in a devastating  crisis...
I had notified thousands of people about the tragic death of a loved one...

Now it was my turn to have the experience personally...
and the Journey took on new  meaning...
The Police Department Chaplain Program was completely re-vamped and that brought  more defining changes...
Four and a half years ago I was requested to write a weekly CHAPLAIN
CORNER for         Blackwater Tactical Newsletter... That brought the
fulfillment of a prophecy and a dream     that  was over twenty years
old... That opportunity has brought even more joys and            
tightened the demands upon me to hear and to listen to and for guidance
                            continuously...
I was forced by age and law to retire from being a police officer...
taking off that badge         and gun and being stripped of the
authority of being able to make an arrest was                
devastating like the death of a close loved one... only worse!... But
in the same letter I         was asked to continue to be the
Administrator of the Chaplain Program so most of the     actual work
demand and load did not change.

I write this today for you to know that even with all of the
adjustments and my life of being where I would never have chosen for
myself to be... I am bursting with joy and gladness that it has been
this way and that I have made this Journey... because if I had failed
to accept and implement the adjustments any place along the way I would
not be here and be so marvelously joined to the two most precious
groups of people alive in this world today... The Peace Keepers and the
Peace Makers...  and all of their support systems in Public Safety and
I would have missed much of the meaning of my life in this world today.

If you are in a tight place; a difficult place; an unpleasant place; a
place where you would rather not be; or have to do something that you
would rather not do...  Just do your best in faith and trust and you
will come out into a better place.

Do the best you can with what you have where you are and leave the rest
to God or whomever else is responsible.  If I had not done that I would
not be here in this moment writing to you from my heart and from the
Heart of my Commander-in-Chief who loves you and appreciates you so
very, very deeply.

Take courage.  The present condition will not last forever.  It will
change... Change is one thing that we can count on in this life... Life
is arbitrary and it will always be in a state of change.  Just when you
think you have it all together it will change.  Sometimes the change
brings heartache and challenge.  Sometimes the change brings joy and
gladness... but change is one thing that we can be assured that will
come whether we are ready for it's coming or not.

You are wonderfully constructed and put together.  You have extremely
great resilience. 
You are a marvel and a wonder to behold.  You can see and you can
hear.  You can move and you can think.  You can evaluate and adjust. 
You are adaptable and teachable.  You are most valuable to the
immediate world around you and to other people who think highly of
you.  You are a marvelous wonder.  You are unique.  There is only one
of you so enjoy your uniqueness.

"BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!"   

Be watchful...
Alert...
Suspicious...
Wary...
Take the best possible care of you as you seek to do your job of caring
for others.
See to the welfare of your spiritual part... that needs to be strong,
healthy and well cared for just as strongly as does the rest of you...

As it has always been... So it still is...

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3709 Beacon Lane, Virginia Beach, VA 23452.

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the BLACKWATER TACTICAL NEWSLETTER  by going to the 
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